Yup, that’s me. Born again last December. About a month after Brad died. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want it either. All I wanted was my life back, the way it was before. That’s not too much to ask, is it? I didn’t do anything wrong. None of us did. But God decided to change it all and I still don’t know why. God took Brad away from us and made me a born again Christian.
It’s bizarre if you knew me back then. I was the last person on planet earth you’d think would fall for Jesus. A true on your face and worship God believer. Hey, you should see Bro-Joe (my brother-in-law). He’s a pastor and the one who started this. Even he can’t believe what happened and he sees it all the time. I was a good kid, horrible teenager, and dicey adult. I mean, I drank too much sometimes and swore when I got angry and told off-color jokes. My life was all about getting ahead, making money, proving to the world I was smart, awesome and had all the answers.
Until I got born again in the spirit and God showed me different. Messed me up real bad. Awesome but destroyed me too.
It all happened one Tuesday night at Bro-Joe’s Praise and Prayer. I know, me at church? But Brad had just died and I was a total wreck. Cried every night. Missed my kids so bad (they were off in Maryland and Virginia at college). My friends tried everything to console me but they felt just as bad too. Joe was a pastor at this little church. He was used to this stuff, people suddenly losing loved ones. He took me under his arm and got me through it. Told me about God. I kind of half listened. I appreciated what he did but didn’t really get what he said. He was there for me, and that was all that mattered. He invited me to his church. Never been to church before, really never saw the need. You got problems you fix them on your own, right? God? Well, maybe there was a heaven but you only really know that after you’re dead. This was how I saw it. But I went to church because Joe thought it was important and he did so much for me back then, so how could I say no?
It was Praise and Prayer, which I guess was a warm-up for Sunday Service, or so I thought. I mean, everyone sits around, listens to music and quietly prays by themselves. Cool. Kind of like meditation which I didn’t get either but seemed harmless enough.
Oh wow. Harmless? Ha! That’s a laugh. Never saw it coming, no one did, not even Joe and that’s his job. Well, anyway, here I sat in the front row, looking all church-like. My hair done, wearing nice clothes, a bit of make-up but not too much. Trying not to think about what I was there, except doing Joe a favor I guess.
Then the music came on. I’m a music lover from way back. Hey, I moved to Seattle during the grunge era. When Cobain died I was 13 and it smashed my heart to pieces. Anyway, this song came on and it was the most beautiful, touching, amazing song I’ve ever heard. This woman sung about love and Jesus and she sung right from her heart, so full of passion and joy, it totally blew my mind. When I heard those words, my world came alive. I don’t know how else to explain it. Everything changed, from a song. When I started to cry over Jesus being king I knew something really weird was going on. I was used to crying over Brad but this time I was crying over a Jesus song, and I didn’t even know who Jesus was!
Then things got super weird. (Continue)