When I first got saved I fell head over heels madly in love with God. I did not pursue the Lord, I chased after Him hoping one day I would catch His robes and never let go. I wanted to know everything about the Lord. His thoughts, ideas, nature, character, plans and strategies. I wanted it all, obsessed with God, trying to figure out who He was and why He suddenly exploded into my life.
Those early days were exhausting. I staggered and stumbled throughout the day focusing only on God. He occupied every waking minute and at night I dreamed of nothing else. Over time I slowly began to burn out. God was too simply too big and too overwhelming, and like a computer my operating system began to crash time and time again.
I read the Bible, watched videos, listened to podcasts, read books, asked loads of questions, and of course prayed/talked to God every chance I got.
As time went by I discovered the closer I came to God, the more mysterious He became. I peeled back layer after layer after layer, only to discover more and more and more layers. The more spiritual experiences I had, the more He shocked, awed and astounded me. When I thought I was getting a handle on the Lord and His ways, He would suddenly knock me off my feet and leave me sitting in the dust, dazed and confused wondering what just happened and why.
Some days God simply made no sense.
“What are you doing to me? Why am I such a wreck? Why are you allow this to happen? What did you mean by that? What do you have planned for me? Why all the mystery and drama? Why can’t you just come out and say it? Why is it so hard to hear you?”
When God comes crashing into your life, everything gets good and messy. All you held on to as dear and true is suddenly ripped out from under your feet and you are left huddled in a corner wondering who is this born-again you and who is this awesome and overwhelming Spirit of the Lord in your life. A God who is shining bright and new, full of hope and promise, love and compassion, fearful and mighty, demanding yet full of grace, inside and all around you, reaching out and aching to know you, incomprehensible and incomparable to anything you have ever known and experienced before.
I slowly realized I could spend the rest of my life – probably infinite lifetimes – asking question after question and still never come close to discovering who He really is. The multifaceted sides of God are astounding. The Lord’s size, depth, complexity, power, splendor, righteousness and glory are impossible to fully grasp.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8)
Is it important? Do we really need to know everything about the Lord?
These days I am learning to be at peace – content with knowing I know little of God.
Today I pursue His love, warmth and friendship and let everything flow from there. I seek God for the simple pleasure of binding us together, soaking in His glorious presence without caring how much I understand who He really is. In sum, it’s all about our relationship. Sitting down with God, breaking bread, sipping wine, and sharing one another’s company.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. (Revelation 3:20)
Do we analyze family and friends? Dissect them to death, obsess over their every move, lie awake at night wondering what makes them tick? No, we hang out with friends and family for the sheer love and pleasure of spending time with them. It should be this way with the Lord too. Father and daughter, Father and son, best friends forever. He is here for us, we are here for Him, and together we are at one and at peace.
As He once told me, “I am your Father, you are my son, and nothing else matters.”
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Copyright © 2017 L.M. Patrick, British Columbia